Things Seem Different On Paper
by TakeHeedLove
Summary: Too often things don't turn out the way you expect, nor do they happen according to plan. The story of Lily Evans and James Potter, and the unfortunate, lingering aftertaste of one Severus Snape.


I couldn't even look at him anymore; it made me furious. Yeah, I have my faults, I'm demanding and I have a temper and I talk too much, but I'm a good person. I try to be honorable and loyal, I stand up for my friends and I'm there for them when they need me. And trust me, it's not hard. So why can't someone just slap him in the face and tell him to give it a shot?  
We used to be best friends. He discovered me, and was so comforting and kind. Tuney was always teasing us, but I know she only did it in spite of her jealousy. _I _had a best friend who was a _boy, _and I could do _magic_, and she couldn't just accept me for who I was.

And then, we went to school. Every day of my first year is still as clear as yesterday morning is in my mind. Everything was so inviting: the boats, gliding smoothly across glistening, opaque water, and the lights at the castle, sparkling and reflecting off the lake. It truly was magical. And he was always there beside me, excitedly whispering to me and grabbing my hand First year slipped by too quickly; we were still as good of friends as ever, even though I was a Gryffindor and he ended up in Slytherin. I disregarded this, what did it matter anyway?

Life went on without much disruption. I grew up, I matured, I gained a close circle of friends, and I surprised myself by graduating with top grades in nearly all of my classes. My new friends were very curious about my friendship with "that Slytherin boy." A girl named Wisteria Vane always pestered me for petty gossip about us, but I continually shrugged her off. No, I don't like him, no, he's never kissed me, no, I would never dream of going out with him! The others were more intrigued by who he was. Why would Lily Evans, brilliant and beautiful Gryffindor, be friends with the strange, angst-ridden, greasy-haired boy from Slytherin?

So, why was I friends with him? He was honorable and loyal, he stood up or me and was there when I needed him. At that time, he was the kind of person I wanted to be and wanted in a friend. I didn't care to look past the mask that he wore for me. When we talked and laughed together, he seemed nothing like the other slimy Slytherins that I knew. He seemed stronger of character than most of the Gryffindors, for that matter. However, I noticed by fourth year that he was changing around me. He sometimes sat too close and he blushed when I laughed at his jokes. But it seemed much too absurd of an idea. Too absurd.

Severus Snape was not in love with me!

* * *

By my fifth year, it was only too clear that he had more on his mind than friendship. We were growing apart, and I finally opened my eyes. The people I saw him with… Avery and Mulciber especially… to say the least, they scared me. The mere rumors of the things they'd done disgusted me. They were in detention every other day and skulked around the school, laughing at first years and hexing Gryffindors behind their backs. Seeing Sev with them sickened me, it depressed me. Wasn't this the boy who held me when I cried and cried about Tuney to? Who was so kind and sweet and sensitive and reserved? It changed me. I was bitter, I despised the boys who had turned him into this. It was my excuse for believing that he hadn't had it in him all along, even though deep down, I knew he had. I'd seen evidence that I'd blown off when we were growing up. But I would refuse to believe it.

Sixth year, my friendship with Sev was reduced to a tense acquaintance. We still occasionally talked, but I was still so disappointed in what he was doing that it bothered me to be around him. I'd either become angry or distressed, and then later let quiet, hot tears coat my pillow at night. Part of me still didn't want to let him go. Against my better judgment, I let myself become closer to him again. He was undeniably pleased with this, thinking that I had accepted and gotten over his strange circle of friends, but it was really because I couldn't sever that tie, not with my childhood and self discovery all linked to him.

And then, there's today. This afternoon. I was sitting alone at one of my favorite spots on the Hogwarts grounds, underneath a large tree with plenty of shade, with the view of the lake nearby. I held a piece of parchment in my hand, writing a letter home for Mum and Dad. The wind softly blew a lock of hair into my face and I pushed it back behind my ear, looking around. That's when I saw James Potter and his devoted group of friends, Sirius, Lupin, and a smaller boy who I didn't know. They were talking and laughing, and James was playing with that darned Snitch again. The smaller boy was whooping and cheering for him. It was _disgusting _the way James seemed to thoroughly enjoy the attention. In spite of this, I didn't return to my letter writing, but I kept watching them. Then I saw Sev approaching the group and I knew almost instantly what would happen. Sure enough, they instantly began shooting hexes at each other. I was infuriated. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I shouted, scowling at them, watching Snape fall from being suspended in the air, to now having a Full Body-Bind curse on him. I had pulled out my wand and was pleased to see that both James and Sirius seemed to be eyeing it warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.

"Take the curse of him, then!"

James sighed deeply, then turned to Sev and muttered the countercurse.

"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

All of the air seemed to have been sucked out of the world. My heart was beating hard and fast, but everything else seemed to be slowly flipping upside down… I felt dizzy. All I could do was stand there and blink stupidly and wonder if I'd really heard what I thought I'd heard.  
"Fine. I won't bother in the future." I took in a deep, shaking breath. "And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus._"

I stalked off, cursing in my head fiercely at Snape's existence. How had I honestly thought he could ever be a good friend?! This was the last straw. Oh, this was most definitely the last straw! Sparks were shooting out of the wand I was still holding. The greasy-haired_ git_!

Before I knew it, I was already back at Gryffindor Tower, still fuming. The Fat Lady calmly asked for the password.  
"Chivalry," I spat. _Sev…I mean, Snivellus, could use a bit of that…  
_She raised her eyebrows at me before swinging open, and I climbed into the common room and marched straight up to my dormitory, before collapsing on my bed.  
After furiously writing in my journal the many things I wanted to do and call Snivellus at that moment, those other, unwanted memories found their way floating back in my head. He was my first real friend… and he would never know how much he had hurt me.

Why couldn't someone just slap him in the face?

* * *

Seventh year, I was over it and he was forgotten. He was only another face in the halls, another vile Slytherin towards whom I now held a permanent grudge. I had plenty of friends and I was confident with who I was. I had long, thick, dark red hair with a soft wave to it, a clear complexion, and long lashes framing my bright green eyes. I had grown into my figure and was at an average height. I had kept up my good schoolwork, and I was Head Girl. Things seemed to be working out for me.

I just had one thing I wanted. I wanted… a boy.

Not just a friend, or a crush, or even someone to go on a couple Hogsmeade visits with. I'd had plenty of those, but no one ever seemed to quite be right enough to have a real relationship with. I wanted the kind of boy who would catch up with me in the halls just to hold my hand and ask me how my last class went, who I'd sneak out of class to meet in a deserted corridor, somebody who everybodyknew was Lily Evans' property and they'd better stay away!  
It seemed the last thing left. And I'll be darned, I was going to get it before seventh year was over!

*~*~*~*

A/N: I used the scene from page 648 of OotP (with a few tweaks here and there...teehee) if anyone is interested in re-reading that.  
Please, please, please, if you liked it or if you've got constructive criticism especially, I would love you forever if you would leave me a lovely review! I'm very new to writing... I'm kind of giving it a shot, and I've got no clue if I'm any good or not. :/ (Ah! That rhymed...!)  
Also curious if I should keep working on my other story... it's short... check it out, hm? :D  
Much love guys-  
TakeHeedLove


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